Wondering Thoughts

Today

Today started with a chapel service at Maggie Lee's school--First Baptist Church School--which was in her honor.  It was a beautiful service, with Lisa Alford's accompaniment to "Victory in Jesus," Kari Turner's solo, Dr. Greg Hunt's words of comfort for the students and for us, Dr. Gillespie's thoughtful prayer, and the video Kevin Langley prepared and showed at the Celebration of Hope.  As I watched the video again, with the picture journey from Maggie Lee's birth to just before her death, I was reminded of how hard it is to believe that she is no longer here with us, of the short time that her 12 years seems, of the great void that now exists.

What a blessing to have a school full of faculty and students who loved Maggie Lee so much and who wanted to honor her with their words, hearts and memories.  

Jack and Routines

As I opened up my blog to add the picture of Jack today, I realized that I haven't updated anything since just before Maggie Lee died on Sunday, August 2.  In case you are just learning about all of this, there is some information at Maggie Lee's Caringbridge site.  You can also view her Celebration of Hope.

I'm getting back to blogging with a note about Jack's first day back to school.  It was actually just a half day, but enough to get us back in a familiar routine.  I haven't heard Jack's opinion on it yet--except that there is no recess for 5th graders--but routine feels pretty good right now.  

I am rediscovering a few routines myself as I get reorganized at home after being out of town for 3 weeks.  We are working through our regular mail and bills as well as the many sympathy cards we have received from incredibly loving and thoughtful folks.  I'm also working through personal and church emails, putting Getting Things Done, my favorite productivity philosophy, into place as I am doing lots of "collecting" and "inboxing" right now.  Other routines include returning to a normal sleep schedule, eating together, and exercising.

I'll be easing back into work at the office in the days to come, with a return to preaching on Sunday, August 23. I also hope to add a few more blog posts here.

Today was difficult in many ways, specifically as we felt the loss of not having Maggie Lee in the annual back-to-school picture with Jack (she almost always had her arm around Jack in a way that reminded him that she was older and was an expert on the grade into which he was going) as well as with the realization that there would be no visit to her homeroom on the first day.  The loss produces pain and grief as we think about all the "first days" of the past.  But, the encouraging hugs and words from other parents in the hallway gave us strength and reminded us that, in the midst of the pain, we are surrounded by people who are concerned and by our sides.

A Handful of Fingers

I was getting to ready to post something about my mother when I saw this quote that reminded me of her:

Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?
  - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

My dad is quite the storyteller and happened to slip into one he had told numerous times.  My mom developed a way of letting him know, to nip the story in the bud.  She instituted the practice of holding up your fingers in the air to let him know how many times he had already told the story. It usually worked well enough to shame him from continuing.  Sometimes she ran out of fingers.

I miss my mom today and wish she was still alive to have fun with those stories.  I remain ever so thankful to God for letting me have such an incredible woman for a mother.

Living in the Moment

Yesterday Jack and I went for a bike ride.  This is a revived passion of ours since I traded off my bikes of old in one of the moves we have made in the last several years.  I found one last weekend at a garage sale for $15.  It works great and I enjoy the idea of being able to take off and ride with the kids.

While out riding yesterday after dinner, Jack and I headed out to the high school close by to throw the baseball.  We had gloves in one hand and handlebars in the other.  We got to the end our block only to realize the school was hosting a spring football scrimmage.  Jack agreed to take the gloves and ball back up to the house and did so on foot.  I waited at the corner with our bikes.  As Jack came back out of our yard, he jumped onto the sidewalk and came running down the sidewalk toward the bikes and me. 

As he ran, I had one of the moments where everything went slow motion, just like in the movies.  I found myself becoming intensely sentimental, thinking of how I should take in this moment.  I thought of how this little 8 year old boy of mine will not always be this size (and there may come a day when he won't invite me to go ride with him).  I envisioned him growing into a man with each step he ran, thinking of how strange it is that we humans grow as we do.  I was reminded of how I need to cherish each of those steps, knowing that one day I will wonder where all of the time went in between them.

It is so easy to get busy and to let time pass by without reflection and living in the moment.  I love my Jack and Maggie Lee and so want to cherish the moments on bicycles rolling through the neighborhood with Jack or enjoying favorite beverages and special time alone with Maggie Lee on our Friday dates at Starbucks.  I am learning more and more of what it means to live in the moment with my kids, to never take a conversation or activity for granted.  They are, each one of them, blessings from God.

I give thanks today for garage-sale bicycles that afford moments like these. 

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Birdy, Birdy in the Sky . . .

Our yard was invaded with birds today.  First, it was the Robins.  I've never seen so many of one kind at one time--a sight to behold.  Then the blackbirds showed up and both groups learned to hunt for worms in the same yard, but kept to themselves. The enjoyment of birdworld in my yard ended with falling excrement.  It is hard to imagine how this

could do this